One week out from the NY Pro, I am sitting in bed with my knees propped up witha pillow underneath for support. The blinds are shut and I am propped up just
enough to type on my iPad. I completely plan to close the lid, and slide back
down to close my eyes the moment I update you about what going on today. This
is the Second week in a row under the weather, I'll keep it simple here, but on
antibiotics that don't end until next Wednesday. I am too tired to even worry about
it. Seems like the more I "try" the worse it can be. In many areas. So I am
going with the flow.
I didn't sleep at all last night, the hunger keeps me awake and always has. I
figure well I am already up so around 4 am I did my cardio. These last days are
my very low calorie days and everything, even sleep is a grind. I tossed and
turned, read and basically stayed up, planned all my meals, water, sodium etc.
for the day and was determined to get my leg training in. That had to happen
even if I'm not 100% the anxiety of missing it altogether is worse than taking
another day off.
I took off two complete days. I was supposed to film for Muscle & Fitness Hers,
and Better Bodies yesterday but was told not to work out at all for a few days.
I couldn't even if I wanted to.
So I'm back in bed, and these are the times when you cannot wait until night
time comes, and you can scratch off another day. This is by no means
complaining, I chose it, but it is just as I am describing. My eyes hurt to
blink. I am too tired to do anything but not quite ready to be able to go to
sleep entirely.
I did go buy some probiotics today and used my chocolate Myofusion Pro, to make
sure I kept the healthy digesting bacteria still alive in my system.
Nothing remains constant, and this time next week, I will be at the finals
showcasing the hard work and sacrifice. And that is when all of this fades into
a distant memory. I know in the past, heck recent past I would be so worried, I
would gain 3 lbs of water over night when stressed.
I am choosing another way
today. I know I am in shape, and if I just believe in myself, truly....I will
be just fine. The thought of that relaxes me.
I am choosing love and not fear, one moment at a time. I take deep breathes,
and tell myself how proud I am of myself. Far too many years I wouldn't even look in
the mirror even when prepping for a show. But, today I have one on the wall. And I smile because when you do the
work from the inside out, life gets a whole lot better. At least for me it has. My quest is simple, I only want peace.
Sliding down now.....I'll check back in on a carb up day pre contest . Deal? :)